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Lokal Stops: No Explanation

For some reason, people don’t like it when other people explain things to them.

 
So let’s just do some pros and cons today:

Taco Bell and its new “fast-casual” Mexican chain
pros: boozy milkshakes
cons: it’s called US Taco

America
pros: boozy milkshakes
cons: the “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro” guy lives here

Silicon Valley
pros: the revenge of the nerds!
cons: it’s horrible

The Internet
pros: there’s nothing it can’t do
cons: it does stuff to our feelings

Science
pros: it brings presidents and robots together
cons: nothing, science is awesome

President_Obama_plays_soccer_with_a_Japanese_robot___The_Verge

Aside from pros and cons, here are some things you should know: book covers are giving us the wrong idea about Lolita; scientific journals aren’t really trying very hard; there’s a bitcoin debit card now; and Andy Warhol made some computer art.

I would explain why any of this is relevant, but you probably don’t want me to.

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Lokal Stops: The Limit Does Not Exist

All good things must come to being mistakes: the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau says they messed up and approved the powdered alcohol by accident. Don’t let the news cancel your fun, though: just cook up your own powdered amusements. The sky is the limit!

In other news, the sky is no longer the limit. In fact, the sky has not been the limit for quite some time. In fact, the limit does not existWe’ve been to the moon, pretty much assume there’s life on other planets, and soon we’ll be able to see aliens from the comfort of our own solar system.

These are all just baby steps… though giant, leaping baby steps, sure. The guy in charge at NASA says that if we want humanity to survive indefinitely, we’ll have to start colonizing other planets. NASA’s already working on designs for a new spacesuit for Mars. As we get closer to Mars, NASA will have to consider how to advertise space this time around. (Disney probably doesn’t have to be involved.) While we’re at it, we should probably also come up with some galactic laws.

Some cynics out there might be able to think of a reason or two that humanity might just want to stick to the one planet.

To those cynics, I say: things here on Earth could be a lot worse, so let’s try to chin up and look on the bright side. For example: on the bright side, a huge asteroid wiped out all of the creatures that would’ve kept us in the food chain. (On a murkier side, we aren’t as safe from asteroids as we like to believe–but at least if we’re ever struck, there’s a possibility that we’ll be remembered.)

Murky with a chance of sun: some poor schlep sold what might be Shakespeare’s annotated dictionary on eBay.

Also probably feeling pretty schleppy today is the NYPD, whose social media team asked people to tweet their photos with officers, tagged #myNYPD. You probably don’t need a link, you probably don’t need sample tweets of what happened next, but here you go anyway:

Twitter___mollycrabapple___myNYPD__johnknefel____

While the NYPD is treated to its daily ration of criticism/ridicule, James Franco once again enjoys some hearty portions of art-world-ego, while his peers smile and nod at him uncomfortably. For some discomfort outside of the art world, look no further than Game of Thrones’s accidental rapist.

If any of today’s news is making you anxious, you might want to dip into some of Earth’s natural resources for some peace of mind. Or just throw up your hands and let someone else take the wheel.

Lokal Stops: Things That Fly (and Some Things That Don’t)

Lokal Stops is an opinionated commentary on the day.

Have  you ever wondered why people are ambivalent towards art these days? Well, maybe it’s because of “alleged artists” like this guy who left the backpack on the Boston Marathon finish line yesterday. Inside was a rice cooker filled with confetti. Cool.

This is why we can’t have nice art.

While that guy’s busy doing important things like performance art, this 13 year old Mongolian girl hunts with a golden eagle. Like about only 400 others in the world, she releases her eagle and then it hunts a rabbit or fox or something and then she gets the eagle to come back. She does this by being awesome.

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In other news about things that fly: Malaysian plane still missing! It’s been missing for so long (about five weeks now), everyone has deemed it an uninteresting topic of conversation, apparently. The US dropped a drone into the ocean a few days ago and it’ll take up to two months for it to either find something or nothing.

And but so no one at US Airways is getting fired over that p(lane) in the v tweet. Maybe it’s a kind, reasonable gesture. After all, as a spokesman for the airline said, “It was an honest mistake.” But also, in a tiny tiny way, the (in)action indicates that maybe companies willfinally realize that social media is indeed just a thing people do, a place people sometimes makes mistakes, a setting in which you should just act naturally. Hey brands, just be human, jeez. Till now, they’ve been terrified of making mistakes. Their worst nightmare, their single greatest fear, was that someone internally would post a photo of their company’s product inside of a woman’s vagina. And then what would happen?! Oh. Nothing. We’ve pretty much all seen things in vaginas. Honest mistake. Let’s move on.

… to Creationists. Who are upset about the Cosmos reboot. Which in turn makes fans of Cosmos upset about Creationists. In this installment of the vicious cycle, Funny or Die imagines what the Creationists’ Cosmos would be like. But what we really want to know is what Creationists think when they watch this. Do they nod their heads and say, yes, you are speaking facts? Do they just sit the whole thing through, waiting for the joke ending?

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