Kids these days can prepare for their wedding and baby registries by beta testing Target’s college registry. Would I love to go back to college? Yes. Would I love to go back to the summer before college and add a bunch of shit to a college registry? Absolutely.
Would I love to go back to high school? Nope. But there are some people out there who probably would love to go back: there is now science proving that cool kids end up being shitty at life. If you’re a loser since high school and have had a real hard time and are looking to make some cash, a scientist is offering $10,000 to anyone who can prove that climate change is a hoax. Or you can do something with your life and do great literature via Lego, “as Homer originally intended.”
In other news, James Franco might cause a nuclear war. This means it’s prime time for us to apply math that can prove that something exists without visual evidence. Prove the nukes exist, get rid of the nukes, and we can all go back to tolerating each other.
Journalists continue to bring us the news that matters: 35% of people in a survey admitted to binge-watching Breaking Bad. Technology will soon be able to know exactly how you feel while watching TV by reading your goosebumps.
If that last one feels a bit like science fiction, there’s plenty more where that came from. We are now living in a time when scientists have found a mysterious galactic glow that might explain dark matter, and the paralyzed can move with their thoughts.
Finally, let’s wind down with an exercise in meditation.