Lokal Stops: Fire Spreads

It begins. This summer is set to be awful and “oppressive” as the Farmer’s Almanac puts it. And it begins. Actually, it began in May, the hottest May on Earth since humans started keeping track. Still, no amount of summer heat can match the awfulness of  poisoning your son for social media attention.

Meanwhile, the French have been calling pie charts “diagrammes de fromage” this entire time. Cheese versus pies. I choose cheese pies. Mmm, just imagine warming a nice cheese pie over a fire… oh right, fire no longer means “the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, releasing heat, light, and various reaction products.” Now it’s… a phone thingie. All things eventually become phone thingies. Speaking of phone thingies, although the White House refuses to comment on whether Obama uses emoji when he’s sending globally important texts, you laypeople can now “yo your mates.” And soon, you’ll maybe even be able to yo Jupiter’s Europa: to the tiny mothership!

And while we pettily yo around, important things are happening on the television:

And while important things are happening on the television, even more important things are happening at the FBI.

By the way, has anyone else noticed how great Internet Explorer is these days?


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