Lokal Stops: Heads Will Roll

“Terror is only justice,” says 18th century France. And 21st century America agrees: some are calling for the return of the National Razor, La Guillotine. When you take a quick look back at the history of the American death sentence, it’s not a terrible idea. Most notably, it’s a great cure for a headache.

In other vaguely referential news, police in Maryland are going to live-tweet an upcoming prostitution sting, marking (potential) sinners for life–with the letter D, I guess, for Degenerate? Whatever the Letter, the message is clear: don’t do anything remotely sinful, unless you want to be branded by your crime for life. This is clearly a good idea.

If you don’t want your life to end in crime, perhaps you’d consider finding a mentor. Note: mentors only available to white males, women and minorities need not apply. Women’s heads, by the way, aren’t controlled by their periods, it turns out! Listen, we all just have emotions sometimes and that’s okay.

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Though women are not slaves to their periods, we are all slaves to our smartphones.

The lesson is this: in the end, our differences don’t much matter. We begin with nothing, we end with nothing. Which is why it was so easy for Minecraft creator Notch to write the coded story of our lives in less than 48 hours. Whether you play or not, you’re stuck with the non-code of your real life, so I guess what I’m trying to say is… have a great weekend!

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