Lokal Stops: Death is Imminent, But at Least We Have Drugs
by Lokal Staff
Good news, everyone: gender is just a construct! Don’t let that get your hopes up, though. Women are still inferior abstract thinkers. You win some, you lose some. Today, victory means a female penis, and sometimes that is the best you can hope for in life.
Mixed news: our past is knocking, and I’m not sure I want to open the door.
Speaking of things that might be better left alone, people now have one more reason to bemoan the tampering of the natural order of the world. Robots are becoming more human and humans might one day become more robotic. These are all just exciting ideas about what soft robotics can do, but that doesn’t mean robots aren’t already reaching miraculous heights. For example, some robots can do the limbo now:
Sometimes technology can really make you go, “huh.”
And sometimes technology can get you drugs. Finally, a search engine that yields the results you want to see when you type in “how to get weed.” I guess this is goodbye, Yahoo Answers.
By the way, kids these days. Doing drugs, signing up for Obamacare… The prez announced today that of the 8 million people that have signed up, 35 percent are under the age of 35. The New York Times says that’s a good percentage.
But Jesus didn’t have health insurance, and yet he still rose from the dead, several hundred years ago this weekend. Celebrate by infusing Peeps into your vodka. Americans though have a tendency to die for good: here’s a beautiful data visualization of how we die. But at least perhaps we don’t die alone: scientists have found Earth’s twin or cousin or something! She is 500 light years away, is only 10% fatter than Earth, and her “orbit lies within the ‘Goldilocks zone’ of its star, Kepler 186 — not too hot, not too cold, where temperatures could allow for liquid water to flow at the surface, making it potentially hospitable for life.”
I guess we’ll have to gauge whether we’re actually related by how excited she is for the next season of Orange is the New Black.